


you're scared because things are changing

by guanlin



Series: you must come back home [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, HAPPY ENDING Y'ALL, M/M, Pining, enjiy, lol turns out ive been spelling ahn's name wrong lol not sorry, there isnt any smut but i rated it mature because they have a pretty inTENSE makeout session
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guanlin/pseuds/guanlin
Summary: Youngmin starts ignoring Donghyun, Daehwi wants to play truth or dare.





	you're scared because things are changing

It was Daehwi’s idea to play truth or dare. It’s both his and Woojin’s last night with them before they move into the Wanna One dorms and Daehwi had said that in order to reminisce their less mature days, they had to play a game of truth or dare. Both Youngmin and Donghyun had looked at each other, vaguely exasperated but Woojin had just shrugged and the nostalgic look in Daehwi’s eyes was enough to sway them, especially as this is the last night they will be together for a while. Daehwi immediately squeals with excitement when Donghyun sighs and nods, obviously trying to hide the fond smile that lifts the corners of his lips without his permission. Daehwi, arguing that they must have the right atmosphere, gets up and dims the lights until Donghyun has to reach out to Youngmin and Woojin to gage where they are before his eyes adjust. They shuffle into a vague circle, knees touching and Daehwi comes and sits down in the vacant space, holding his hands out to Youngmin and Woojin, obviously expecting them to hold them.  
“This isn’t a seance,” Woojin points out, even as he reaches out to intertwine Daehwi’s fingers with his own. Donghyun can tell that both Woojin and Daehwi are frightened for tomorrow with the way that they’d been sticking to Youngmin and Donghyun all day, scared to leave something that had been a constant for so long. He can feel it in the way Woojin squeezes his fingers when he reaches out to hold him, like he isn’t ready to let go so the older offers a soft smile in the vague direction of Woojin, squeezing his hand back before reaching out to Youngmin. Donghyun feels Youngmin flinch when the other’s hand comes into contact with his thigh and it’s almost enough to make Donghyun pull back but he leaves his hand there, just resting. Easy enough for Youngmin to push his hand off if he wants to but also easy enough for him to intertwine their fingers together.

Things had been strange with Youngmin lately. Even before the show began, Youngmin had begun shying away from his touches, ducking away when Donghyun tried to sling a casual arm around his shoulder or making lame excuses when Donghyun tried to lean on him during their breaks at practice. At first, the younger didn’t really spend too much time thinking about it, figuring that his hyung was just stressed about appearing on Produce 101 but even now, when both of them are out and finally getting back into something resembling the phrase ‘normal’ (on their terms, anyway), Youngmin still wasn’t back to normal. The only time Youngmin had allowed Donghyun to touch him in the last few months was on the last night of produce 101 filming, when he had cried and he’d allowed Donghyun to push his head against his shoulder, to see him weak like Donghyun hadn’t seen him for a long time. Donghyun thought that things would be fine after that, after they’d finally got over the skin ship issue and they could finally return to their easy relationship beforehand but, if anything, Youngmin had become even more distant, even attempting to dodge Donghyun before he’d even opened his mouth to speak. Donghyun has been at a loss, part of him missing his hyung’s reassuring touches and soft spoken words but the other, tiny part was somewhat angry, or maybe just tired because he and Youngmin hadn’t fought, hadn’t fallen out or annoyed each other, Youngmin had just chosen to let him deal with the hardships of the show and being the first to get eliminated out of his label-mates.

Youngmin stills for a few moments, as if contemplating whether or not to take Dongyun’s hand but the other takes it as a good thing, considering Youngmin is yet to push his hand off and scoot away. Donghyun knows that both Daehwi and Woojin had clocked this sudden change in their usually close relationship, as he’s sure a lot of other people had too and he can feel both of the youngers’ eyes on them, waiting with bated breath to see what Youngmin would do. In the end, Youngmin seems to decide that he should just play along and finally reaches out to link their hands together, Youngmin’s slightly larger ones dwarfing Donghyun’s. Daehwi and Woojin exchange a look that Donghyun would have noticed if he wasn’t too busy wondering why his chest had squeezed uncomfortably at the sight of his and Youngmin’s hands curled together resting on Youngmin’s grey sweatpants, their skin tones contrasting just slightly. Donghyun attempts to catch Youngmin’s eye but the elder has already looked away, staring expectantly at Daehwi although, and maybe it’s just wishful thinking, Youngmin seems to move his leg slightly so their thighs are more pressed together. Donghyun tries hard not to move his hand so he doesn’t remind Youngmin that they’re touching in case he finally realises and pulls away like he’s been burned. The last one hundred times have been painful enough.  
“Right,” Daehwi begins, breaking the somewhat intense silence they had fallen into, “who wants to go first?”“I will,” Woojin volunteers, face schooled into careful boredom.  
“Okay, truth or dare?” Daewhi asks excitedly.  
“Uhhh, truth, i guess.”Daehwi’s face immediately turns mischievous and Donghyun, on reflex, turns to Youngmin to make a mock frightened face. He remembers halfway there and expects to be disappointed again but this time, Youngmin is looking back at him, dark eyes shining with amusement and the sudden nostalgia of it makes Donghyun’s heart pick up pace in his chest. Youngmin swipes his thumb over the back of his hand, once and then twice before looking away, leaving Donghyun reeling at the sudden development. Daehwi rubs his hands together and yet Woojin’s face still remains neutral.  
“What’s going on with you and Hyungseob-hyung?”  
Surprise and then embarrassment flickers across Woojin’s face, the tips of his ears turning red and Donghyun coos at him teasingly.  
“Yeah, Woojinie, what's going on?” Youngmin joins in.  
“Is it too late to choose dare?” Woojin whines and Daehwi giggles, delighted at the sight of his usually stony hyung blushing like a school boy.  
“No, hyung! Answer the question!”  
Woojin groans, awkwardly bringing both Donghyun’s and Daehwi’s hands to his face.  
“We’re, I don’t know…talking? Flirting? Courting?” Woojin murmurs into his hands and the angle is so strange that Donghyun is dragged slightly forward, pulling Youngmin forward too so their thighs are even closer pressed together and the familiar unfamiliarity of the heat makes the back of his neck prickle with something akin to excitement. Daehwi squeals again.  
“Do you like him, hyung?” he presses but Woojin tuts at him.  
“It’s Youngmin-hyungs turn now,” he says.  
“Oh,” Daehwi replies, vaguely disappointed, “Donghyun-hyung, you can ask.”Donghyun feels Youngmin shift next to him, obviously anticipating the question and Donghyun coughs awkwardly, shifting to face Youngmin. The other’s eyes on him feel strange and foreign after all this time of avoiding the contact.  
“Uh, truth or dare, hyung?”  
“Truth,” Youngmin says confidently, obviously having thought about it beforehand.  
Donghyun contemplates what to ask him, should he play it safe and ask him something he already knows, or one of the classic ‘truth or dare questions’ or should he try and get some answers. He weighs the pros and cons of it, decides that the pros outweigh the cons considering everyone is aware of their shifted relationship and takes a deep breath.  
“Why have you been avoiding me?”  
Youngmin’s eyes widen and he immediately lets go of Donghyun’s hand, letting it rest on his thigh, lifeless looking. Despite the other two in the room, they maintain the eye contact until Youngmin obviously becomes uncomfortable and looks away, searching desperately for something to lay is eyes on. Woojin squeezes at his hand, fully aware of the pain that losing his best friend and not knowing why had caused Donghyun whilst Daehwi’s eyes flicker worriedly between them. This is a make or break moment for them and could either push Youngmin further away or force him to confront their problems.  
“I…" Youngmin begins, cheeks stained a light pink and if Donghyun wasn’t so interested in Youngmin’s answer, he probably would have got stuck on how pretty he looked, red hair tousled and un-styled under the dim lighting.  
“I was stressed,” Youngmin says finally, “I just felt like I wanted to be alone. I'm sorry.”  
He reaches down to pat Donghyun’s hand and pushes it from his thigh in the process. He’s obviously not sorry. ‘For four months?’ Donghyun wants to ask him but he instead just smiles somewhat sadly and looks away. It’s a surreal moment, for all of them and Donghyun feels terrible because he doesn’t want Daehwi and Woojin to leave thinking that they're not friends or that everything will have changed when they come back to visit. He wants them to leave knowing that Youngmin and Donghyun will always be there, constant and easy, best friends. It seems things weren't meant to turn out that way, Donghyun thinks.

The game continues vaguely uneventfully, they all get dared to do some vaguely stupid things like prank call the manager or kiss each other’s cheeks and Woojin asks Daehwi about his possibly questionable relationship with Samuel but then it’s Youngmin’s turn to ask Donghyun. Youngmin doesn’t even look at him.  
“Donghyun-ah, truth or dare?” he asks.  
“Dare,” Donghyun replies quickly, wanting to get his turn over and done with as quickly as he can to make sure the mood doesn't become solemn again.  
Youngmin seems to contemplate something for a second before he looks up, right into Donghyun’s eyes and says “Kiss me.”  
Daehwi literally chokes on air and Woojin has to let go of Donghyun’s hand to thump him on the back. Donghyun waits for Youngmin to crack a smile, to tell him he’s just kidding and make him holler out of the window or something stupid but his gaze stays so level and sure that Donghyun thinks he must have misheard instead.  
“Huh?” he asks eloquently and Youngmin blinks, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt.  
“Kiss me,” he says again, voice more wavering than before, as if he’s less sure. Donghyun wants to make some joke out of this, wants to lean over and plant a kiss on his hyung’s soft cheek and laugh it off but everyone in the room is fully aware Youngmin doesn’t mean it like that. Woojin simply spectates, face showing obvious interest for the first time throughout the game whilst Daehwi has his arm in a death grip. Donghyun chuckles nervously, looking around to see if Woojin or Daehwi will laugh it off with him but they both just look back at him, faces strangely serious.  
“I-“ Donghyun begins, smiling before it drops again when he realises they’re all deathly serious, “For real?”Youngmin shrugs.  
“Yeah,” he says and Daehwi finally speaks up.  
“Just do it hyung, it’s only a game. We won’t tell anyone.”  
Donghyun looks to Woojin but he just shrugs like Youngmin and Donghyun wants that hollering-out-of-the-window dare, if only to shout that the world has gone crazy.

He looks round one more time, just to gage whether or not this was a joke or not and everyone looks back at him expectantly. There's so many questions whizzing around his mind. Why would Youngmin do this when he's been ignoring him for months? Just to make fun of him? Why was no one else finding this concerning? He concludes that, if only not to spoil the fun, he's going to have to do it. He’ll just peck him and get over it, he decides, and then talk to him about it later. He takes a deep breath and Youngmin seems to prepare himself whilst Daehwi and Woojin watch on with bated breath. Donghyun shuffles a little closer so both of their knees are pressed together. Youngmin watches him and its so strange to be this close to someone Donghyun has always considered his best friend and yet his heart beats so hard against his rib cage that he's worried Youngmin can hear it. He hovers over Youngmin awkwardly, not sure what to do with his hands. He decides that in order to ensure he doesn't fall and embarrass himself further he has to plant one of his hands beside Youngmin’s thigh and the other hesitantly on his shoulder. He hopes desperately that Youngmin can't see the tremor in his hand. He tilts his head to the left slightly and takes a deep breath before leaning in until their faces are inches apart. He's still waiting for Youngmin to start laughing and telling him it's all a joke but when he doesn't, Donghyun resigns himself to his fate and watches Youngmin’s eyes flutter closed , his stomach dropping when he notices how long and pretty his eyelashes are.

He finally closes the gap between them, eyes fluttering closed on reflex, feeling Youngmin’s shallow breaths against his lips before he finally seals their mouths together. Its a strange collision of sensations. Alarm bells in his head ringing that he shouldn't be kissing his maybe friend, a boy, like this but it's somewhat blanketed by the fact that Youngmin’s lips are so pillowly and soft and it's been so long since he's kissed someone like this. He lingers for a few seconds more than he told himself he would, enjoying the sensation of being close to Youngmin again before he's sure the older will go back to pretending he doesn’t exist. He goes to pull away but there's suddenly a warm hand planted on the back of his neck and Youngmin tilts his head further to deepen the kiss, finally responding so it's not just a strange press of lips on lips like it was before. Donghyun is too surprised to do anything so for a couple of seconds he doesn't respond before he thinks fuck it because they're not past the point that they can’t play it off and Youngmin is an exceptional kisser. Donghyun tilts his head so their noses don't bump, mind finally shutting down until all he can think is Youngmin Youngmin Youngmin and the fact that they're so close and there's a tongue in his mouth, licking at the back of his teeth. A familiar feeling begins to coil in the pit of his stomach but the spell is broken when Woojin coughs uncomfortably.

A tiny, tiny part of Donghyun focuses on the fact that when he pulls away, Youngmin chases his lips and seems reluctant to remove his hand from the back of his neck but the other larger part of him is freaking out, one part about the fact that he just made out with his best friend who’s been ignoring him for months and the other part about the fact that he liked it - and he's brave enough to admit that at least. His eyes linger on Youngmin for a second, admiring Youngmin’s slick red lips and the way his pupils are blown wide, eyes still trained on Donghyun’s own and he gets a strange sort of satisfaction that he did that to him but he can’t imagine that he looks any better. Donghyun takes a deep breath and leans back on his ankles before fully sitting down and crossing his legs, heart still beating incredibly fast.  
“Uhh,” Woojin begins, unsure as the rest of them about what happened. Daehwi’s eyes are still wide and he stares unmoving at the floor. Youngmin coughs awkwardly and checks his watch.  
“It’s late,” he says, and then he blushes at the fact his voice is kind of hoarse, “We should probably go to bed.”“Uh, yeah,” Donghyun agrees, not allowing himself to look at him in case he does something else he regrets. They all get up in silence, carefully skirting around what had just happened. Donghyun wouldn’t even know where to start with that. He’d never even thought about kissing Youngmin before in his entire life, always thinking of him as his best friend, the reliable one that they can all go to if they have problems. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t close to him for a long time, maybe he kissed back just because he missed him. Deep down, Donghyun knows that the only reason he kissed back was because he wanted to but he can’t exactly say the same for Youngmin. Honestly, he can’t really say anything for Youngmin.

Donghyun and Daehwi are standing side by side under the harsh lights, brushing their teeth in the mirror. Donghyun can tell that Daehwi is looking at him, perceptive even though he’s still a child, trying to figure out what had happened beforehand and why.  
“Are you and Youngmin-hyung dating?” Daehwi asks, froth still around his mouth whilst Donghyun has his mouth under the tap. He can still taste Youngmin on his tongue, even after brushing his teeth. He keeps his face carefully neutral as he wipes his mouth.  
“No,” he tells Daehwi, “No, we’re not.”“Why did he ask you to kiss him then?” he asks, obviously confused.  
“I don’t know,” Donghyun replies honestly and then reaches out to ruffle at Daehwi’s hair, pulling him in for a hug. Daehwi is so small, still and he immediately rubs his cheek affectionately against the cotton of Donghyun’s sleep shirt, “Don’t worry, Daehwi-yah, Youngmin-hyung and I are going to be okay.”Daehwi pulls away and smiles sleepily, fringe bouncing when he nods and then exits the bathroom. Donnghyun doesn't know if he believes what he says.

When he exits the bathroom, Woojin is sitting on their kitchen counter, a glass of water in one hand. He’s got the other splayed against his lap like he always does when he’s nervous. Donghyun detours from the bedroom into the kitchen instead and hoists himself up onto the worktop opposite Woojin.  
“You’re nervous,” Donghyun says, not a question, just a statement.  
“Are you and Youngmin-hyung going to be okay?” Woojin asks instead, ignoring his previous statement and skipping straight to the point. Despite there only being a couple of years between Daehwi and Woojin, there is a huge maturity difference. Where Daehwi, although strong and independent, is fond of being told a softened version of the truth where everything turns out happy, Woojin just wants to know the truth and finds a way to deal with it somehow so Donghyun, instead of smiling and telling him ‘yes’, he sighs and rubs a hand against his face.  
“I don’t know, maybe,” he replies, “tonight was just, a surprise, you know? I’d never thought of hyung like that at all before tonight so I was shocked when he asked me to kiss him, especially as he’s been super weird for the last few months. I think the sole reason I did it was to try and make him happy, I don’t know, to try and bring him back to me.”Woojin nods, draining his glass before he places it, upturned, on the draining board.  
“But it didn’t look like that, to me, hyung,” Woojin tells him and Donghyun cocks an eyebrow at him questioningly, motioning for him to elaborate.  
“I don’t know, I mean, at first we could all tell you were reluctant and to be honest Daehwi and I thought you weren't gonna do it, felt bad for telling you to do it because we had absolutely no idea why Youngmin asked you to. We thought he’d crack a joke or something but I guess we were all shocked when he was serious. It was awkward with you two at first but when Youngmin reacted, you didn’t pull away. You even looked like you were enjoying it, hyung.”  
Donghyun kicks at the cupboards with his feet and thinks absentmindedly that Youngmin would hit him round the head for it.  
“I, I don’t know. I can’t lie and tell you I didn't enjoy an aspect of it, because it’s obvious I did but I can’t work out which part I enjoyed. The fact I was kissing someone? Or the fact I was kissing hyung? Or the fact that hyung was finally acknowledging me after all this time? I’m confused, Woojinie, but don’t think that you’re leaving us when we’re at our worst. Youngmin-hyung will always be my best friend and he and I will always be your hyungs, understand? Don’t think that because we’re going through some stuff that we’re too caught up to listen to you, or that we’re too at each other’s throats to be in the same room to talk to you guys. We love you like our brothers, okay? And we’re so, so proud of you.”  
Woojin tips his head back to attempt to get rid of the tears that had formed in his eyes at his hyung’s impromptu speech. Donghyun slipped from the counter and reached over to wipe away Woojin’s tears, running a hand through his hair.  
“C’mon, kiddo,” he murmurs, “big day tomorrow.”“I don’t want to leave,” Woojin tells him, head lowered.  
“Yes you do, Woojin-ah, you just think you don’t because things are changing and you're scared but you've got the rest of Wanna One going through the same things, just look after Daehwi for me, alright?”  
Woojin smiles and nods, allowing Donghyun to pull him from the counter and herd him into bed.

The room is dark when he walks in but Donghyun knows from the lack of deep breathing or snoring that both Youngmin and Daehwi are awake. Donghyun pretends to overlook the fact that Woojin has headed to Daehwi’s bed instead of his own so he just heads over to tuck them both in, chuckling at the fact they both whine because they’re ‘too old’. Donghyun kisses them both on the forehead, trying to ignore the thought that his lips were on Youngmin’s an hour ago and tells them both goodnight softly before heading over to his own bed. He hovers next to Youngmin’s for a minute and watches his friend’s back, mulling over everything. Tomorrow, he decides, he’ll try to talk to Youngmin about it but, for now, he reaches over to pull Youngmin’s covers up around his shoulders. He lets his hand linger on Youngmin’s shoulder long enough for Youngmin to reach back and cover his hand with his own for a second before he removes it again. The touch is featherlight but it makes enough of a mark for Donghyun to still feel it when he’s lying awake in bed three hours later.

The car comes for Daehwi and Woojin early the next morning which results in them all sleepily eating cereal at seven in the morning in their pyjamas, Donghyun and Woojin on one side of the table and Daehwi and Youngmin on the other. Saying goodbye to each other is immensely hard on all four parties, everyone except Donghyun shedding tears at some point during the morning. The only time Youngmin comes into contact with him is during the group hug they share outside the Brand New dorm building and although the hand against his lower back is gone within an instant, it burns. Donghyun ignores it in favour of petting both Daehwi and Woojin’s hair, shuffling them off into the sleek black car and waving until it turns out of sight. The only thing keeping him from not crying is the promise that they’ll be back together somewhere in the future. Youngmin stands next to him until they lose sight of the car and then sighs and steps away. He looks so weak in the bare morning light, his face makeup free and tear-tracked. Donghyun just wants to wrap him up in his arms and keep him there, maybe kiss him again to see if he feels the same way he did last night or if he was just caught up in the moment but Youngmin just steps away from him and begins making his way back up to their now two person dorm. It feels so empty when Donghyun gets back in and a wave of emotion hits him straight in the chest at the sight of all the empty little cubbyholes and shelves and shoe racks that had once belonged to Daehwi and Woojin. They hadn’t felt it so badly before last night because, even though they were packed, the kids were still in the dorm at least and that’s what makes it home, Donghyun supposes. The people. He thinks back to when they first stumbled into the dorm, Youngmin first and then Donghyun a few weeks after. They’d lived alone here for a while, treaded around each other the first few days before Youngmin smashed a glass in the kitchen and Donghyun came rushing to ask if he was okay. Donghyun can tell the older is revisiting all the fond moments they had together in the dorm with the kids, almost four years ago now but for some reason, Donghyun feels like they’ve looped back again, replaying the time they were just strangers stepping into the new apartment, and not four year old friends. Donghyun lifts his hand to reach out for him but Youngmin turns away, heads into their bedroom and shuts the door. Donghyun puts his head against the wall of their hallway, just next to the four of their height charts in the doorway and sobs. He wonders if Youngmin can hear him and then decides he wouldn’t care anyway.

Donghyun doesn't see Youngmin for four days. Despite living together, despite supposedly practicing together, Youngmin has seemingly doubled his attempts at avoiding Donghyun, even though he was the one who asked Donghyun to kiss him. Youngmin skips the practices he and Donghyun are supposed to have together and gets rap lessons and when Donghyun has rap lessons, he practices. In the dorm, Youngmin eats when Donghyun showers and somehow waits until Donghyun is asleep and then comes into their bedroom to sleep himself. It seems Youngmin has decided that he and Donghyun being in the same room with both of them fully conscious are mutually exclusive. On day five, Donghyun decides enough is enough, he heads into the bathroom after practice in the evening like normal and showers, gives Youngmin enough time to eat his dinner and then heads to bed, momentarily pondering where Youngmin even goes for such a long period of time. He then proceeds to turn the light in his room off and sit on Youngmin’s bed. He’s considering giving up by the time it hits one am but finally, finally at twenty past, their bedroom door creaks open and Youngmin tiptoes in, still not spotting Donghyun perched on the edge of his bed.  
“Youngmin—hyung,” Donghyun says and he can hear Youngmin’s sharp intake of breath. Donghyun wants to know whether it’s from the fact he was startled or the fact he’s finally been caught in the act.  
“Donghyun,” Youngmin says and he sounds defeated in someway, Donghyun can’t really put his finger on it.  
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Donghyun asks him, “And don’t spout bullshit about how you’re stressed and need to be alone it’s been five months. What happened, hyung?”Youngmin sighs and sets his things down on Woojin’s old bed before flicking the lights on. Donghyun notices how the other chooses to sit there instead of on his own bed next to Donghyun and his heart pangs. Youngmin rubs a hand over his tired face.  
“Are you really, hyung?” Donghyun asks, anger beginning to bubble to the surface over the fact that after five months, all Youngmin can say to explain himself is ‘i’m sorry’, “Is that all you can say? It’s been five months, hyung! Five months.”  
“I know,” Youngmin says, tiredly and suddenly Donghyun has no idea what to say, or even how to approach this complete stranger sitting across from him.  
“I, hyung, please, I don't understand. One day, we’re best friends and then the next you’re avoiding me like i’m some disease!” Donghyun stands up, ready to march over to Youngmin but stopping halfway, his voice is slowly getting louder “And then you ask me to kiss you and it was so obvious that I was as into it as you are and then I don’t even see you for five days! God, Youngmin, hyung, you really hurt me.”Youngmin looks up at him, hands clasped together in front of his mouth. He’s angry, too, Donghyun can see it in the way his forehead creases between his eyebrows and if it wasn’t directed at him, donghyun would have thought it cute. Instead, Youngmin stands up and stalks up to Donghyun.

 

“You think it was hard for you, huh, punk?” Youngmin says, his accent showing through his words and he pushes at Donghyun’s shoulders, sending him stumbling a few steps. Their faces are close again and Donghyun can’t help but think that Youngmin looks so handsome like this. Why was it hard for him, again?  
“It was so hard for me, I swear,” Youngmin says and Donghyun doesn’t really know what’s happening and before he knows it, he’s backed into the door with Youngmin crowding him in, a hand by his head and the other gripped on his hip.  
“God, you’re so hot Donghyun,” he says, voice low in his throat and the heat that pools at the bottom of Donghyun’s stomach is so intense that it makes him squirm. Before donghyun can even try and formulate a reply in his scattered brain, Youngmin’s mouth is on his again but unlike before, it’s so much more desperate. Youngmin’s tongue is in his mouth immediately, the hand on the wall beside his head going to run through Donghyun’s hair and all Donghyun can focus on is the feeling of Youngmin’s lips on his, the feeling of his body pressed against his own, friction in all the right places.  
“Hyung,” Donghyun manages to gasp out against Youngmin’s lips in between kisses and Youngmin hums in reply, pupils so wide they look almost black. He hums again, as out as breath as Donghyun. This is a perfect chance to get proper answers out of Youngmin but for some reason his brain won’t work in this close proximity so all he can gasp out is  
“Why…why do you do this to me?” he asks whilst Youngmin nudges his head to the side and noses at the side of his neck before he licks a stripe down to his collarbone, making Donghyun let out a breathy moan, writhing against the wall.  
“I’m scared,” Youngmin replies, and Donghyun feels like he gets the first proper answer out of Youngmin but the other bites down and Donghyun moans again, louder this time, hips bucking up against Youngmin so much the other has to move a hand to hold them down.  
“Not yet,” he practically growls and Donghyun groans in frustration, already so worked up.  
“Scared of w-what, a-ah hyung,” Donghyun gets cut off when Youngmin sucks at the reddening skin on his neck again, mind scattered and Donghyun briefly wonders if Youngmin even wants this or whether he’s just trying to distract him because it’s working, Donghyun’s just too scared to admit it.  
“you’re so hot, babe,” Youngmin murmurs, the nickname going straight to his groin and Youngmin runs his hands down Donghyun’s back, rest one on his ass and reaches down with the other, wraps a hand around the Donghyun’s thigh and hitches it up around his waist so they’re pushed even closer together and it feels so good that Donghyun drops his head against Youngmin’s shoulder, both hands fisted in the back of his t-shirt and Youngmin finally, finally, pushes their hips together and Donghyun forgets all the questions he has and throws his head back against the wall, arching into Youngmin, coming completely undone under his hands.

Donghyun wakes with a heavy weight over his waist. He shifts, confused at what it could be before the memories of the previous night come flooding back and he tenses. He’s too scared to open his eyes. They didn’t go any further, Youngmin had just dropped his leg once they were done and stepped away from him, breathing still shallow and uneven. He let Donghyun shower first but he still didn’t look him in the eyes when he told him and Donghyun is left even more confused than before. Maybe Youngmin just hates him but wants to use him to release some frustration or something. Donghyun ponders it in the shower and when he enters the room afterwards, Youngmin just walks straight past him. He hears the shower start running a few seconds later and he falls face down onto his bed, not aware of how tired he is and eventually falling into a half-sleep state, heart too heavy in his chest to sleep fully. Youngmin comes back in maybe ten minutes and Donghyun is just awake to notice but not awake enough to do anything about it. He hears Youngmin set his things down on his own bed and waits to hear his sheets rustle but instead he hears Youngmin’s feet thump against the wooden floor as he pads over to Donghyun’s bed. The covers shift and then Youngmin is sliding in behind him and wrapping a hand around his waist. Donghyun wants to ask him what he’s doing, or why but he can feel himself slipping.  
"I'm sorry,” Youngmin whispers, dropping a kiss onto his bare shoulder, “I know I’m hurting you.”  
Donghyun doesn’t move or respond, just enjoys the feeling of Youngmin being this close to him, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach.

Waking up now, however, in the harsh light of day with the memories of last night burnt into the back of his mind, it’s safe so say that Donghyun is freaking out. What would his mother say if she found out what he did last night? What would she say if Donghyun told her what had happened with Youngmin, that he liked it? The image of disappointment on her soft face forces Donghyun to sit up, letting Youngmin’s arm fall against his thighs. The other boy begins stirring but Donghyun can’t focus, heart racing against his chest at the thought. What’s happening to me? his mind screams because he wasn’t raised in a household where boys kissing boys was okay and yet he did it with Youngmin as easy as it was breathing and Youngmin is his best friend. Why did he keep messing Donghyun around? It was so obvious Donghyun was into it. He hadn’t realised he’d been crying until he pushed a hand up against his face and have it come away wet. Youngmin cracks open an eye and part of Donghyun is upset at the fact he has to appear weak in front of Youngmin. Worry immediately makes it’s home on Youngmin’s features and he immediately sits up at the look on Donghyun’s face.  
“Donghyun, what’s wrong?” he asks, concern evident in his voice and this just makes Donghyun cry harder.  
“H-hyung,” he gasps out, “why are you doing this to me? O-one moment you’re pretending I don’t exist and the next you’re acting like I’m the only person in the fucking world, hyung, I’m so tired of giving without getting something back. Please, just tell me what I did wrong.”  
“Shh, Donghyunie,” Youngmin tells him gently, although his eyes are darting around nervously. He hesitantly reaches out a hand to rest against Donghyun’s forearm, obviously testing the waters. When Donghyun doesn’t react, Youngmin places a hand on the back of his neck and pulls him forward until Donghyun is slumped against his chest. He runs a hand through his hair, rocking back and forth gently whilst Donghyun cries, planting a kiss against his forehead.  
“I’m so worried, hyung. You keep doing this to me and I keep liking it but my mother would be so disappointed in me if she found out, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”“There’s nothing wrong with you, Donghyun-ah, it’s fine, you’re fine,” Youngmin whispers into his forehead, both arms wrapped around him and Donghyun hates how safe he feels, hates how much he doesn’t want to let go. Donghyun cries himself back to sleep.

Youngmin wakes him God knows how long later with a gentle shake to the shoulder.  
“Woojin called,” Youngmin tells him, passing Donghyun his phone before leaving and shutting the door behind him. Donghyun sighs, wondering how bad his voice will sound through the speaker. Their fingers brush when Donghyun takes the phone.  
“Hello?” he greets, wincing at how terrible his voice sounds.  
“Hyung!” Woojin’s voice leaking through the speakers helps Donghyun feel marginally better, “are you okay?”“Yeah, Woojinie, I’m okay, I was just sleeping,” the older replies.  
“Oh, yeah, hyung said,” Woojin begins but is immediately cut off with a voice in the background.  
“Hiiii hyuuuunngg,” Donghyun hears through the speaker and he immediately recognises the voice as Hyungseop’s and then he immediately hears Woojin’s strained “Seop, get off of me,” although Donghyun can hear how fond Woojin’s voice is.  
“Hi Hyungseop,” Donghyun greets him and he can hear Hyungseop whining in the background and Woojin’s breathy laugh. Donghyun can’t help the smile on his face.  
“So you guys are together now?” he asks Woojin and he can hear Woojin pushing the phone closer to his ear.  
“No, we’re not together really, I mean,” he begins and then the other boy’s voice pops in with “I’m chasing him hyung, tell him to accept me!”  
“Accept him, Woojin-ah,” Donghyun mock scolds him, not able to help the laugh he lets out afterwards.  
“How’s your love life, hyung?” Woojin asks him, “How’s you and Youngmin hyung?”  
Donghyun contemplates whether or not to tell him because he doesn’t want to worry him but who else could he talk to, really? It’s not like he can tell his family.  
“He kissed me again last night,” he admits quietly and he hears Hyungseop gasping on the other line and Woojin shushing him.  
“Oh,” Woojin says and there’s a couple of seconds of silence before Woojin speaks again.  
“Did you kiss him back?” he asks.  
Donghyun lets out a deep breath.  
“I…yeah. Yeah, I did.”  
There's another vaguely strange silence.  
“Hyung, don’t be mad at me for saying this but…have you ever thought about the reason you kiss him back?”Donghyun is confused at the question.  
“Huh?”“I mean,” Woojin says and he can hear someone shift on the other side of the line, “You usually don’t kiss someone back if you don’t have at least some resemblance of feelings for them, especially not twice.”  
Donghyun thinks about it, and the idea of what Woojin’s getting at hits him square in the chest with the weight of a freight train.  
“I don’t like boys, Woojin-ah,” he replies, just to make it clear just in case.  
“It’s not a bad thing, hyung. And anyway, I’m not saying you do. Maybe you just like Youngmin-hyung.”Donghyun thinks about it, really thinks about it.  
“I…I don’t know.”  
“People drift apart all the time, hyung and you just find a way to deal with it but you’ve been moping for months because Youngmin hyung was acting differently with you. Most people would have given up after a while but you still chased after him like a lost puppy and I know you were shocked when he asked you to kiss him but you weren’t unhappy about it - that was obvious.”  
Donghyun doesn’t say anything, false starts a sentence twice and lapses into quiet again.  
“See?” Woojin asks him triumphantly, “I’m right, aren’t I?”  
And he is. He is. Donghyun thinks back to all the times where he had found an excuse to stand too close to Youngmin, or the feeling he’d used to get when their hands accidentally brushed and he remembers the crushing feeling he got in his chest when he realised Youngmin was ignoring him and how he never once thought of just giving him up. He thinks of the euphoria of being close to him, of kissing him and the safe feeling he’d got earlier when Youngmin had held him.  
“But, hyung has been avoiding me for five months, Woojin-ie. Even if I did like him, he definitely doesn’t like me.”Woojin groans on the other end of the line.  
“Are you kidding, hyung?” he asks, exasperated, “What did I say earlier about how you don’t just kiss someone you don’t have feelings for. I don’t know why he was avoiding you, but he wouldn’t just kiss you and keep doing it if he hated your guts, I promise. Just find him and talk to him, hyung.”  
Donghyun is gripping the phone so tight his knuckles are turning white, the explanation making a strange amount of sense. He feels strangely at peace with the realisation that he likes his best friend in less of a no-homo way and more of a ‘i want to wake up next to you’ kind of way, feels like he’s known it all along but only just remembered.  
“Thank you, Woojin. I’ll talk to him, promise.”  
“Okay, hyung. I have to go now, you’re on speaker so say goodbye to Seoppie, too.”  
Donghyun smiles at the use of the cute nickname and he hears a faint voice saying bye.  
“Bye, hyungseop,” he says, “ and Woojin-ah, tell him how you feel about him.” He hangs up before Woojin can protest and hopes he pushed them in the right direction.

 

Donghyun sits on the edge of the bed for a while, thinking about what he has to say to Youngmin because he’s decided that he won’t finish today without getting everything out in the open. He stands up and walks to the mirror, attempting to sort out his puffy eyes and messy hair before straightening his clothes and grabbing Youngmin’s phone, making for the bedroom door. Youngmin is sitting on the sofa, watching some tv show. He cranes his head back when Donghyun exits, glances at him and then looks away again. Donghyun can finally think about how amazing Youngmin looks with no makeup on, hair unstyled and curling on top of his head, black t-shirt and sweats showing the outlines of his toned body.  
“Your phone,” Donghyun tells him, snapping himself out of his daze and Youngmin reaches up to take it from him, murmuring a thank you before he turns around again.  
“Hyung…” Donghyun starts, moving to sit on the other end of the sofa and Donghyun can tell that Youngmin is looking around for a way out. “Hyung, will you please just stay here? And talk to me?”  
Youngmin sighs before realising he’s going to have to do this and turns his body around so it’s angled more to Donghyun. He’s looking down nervously at his lap, twiddling his thumbs.  
“Hyung, you need to explain to me what’s going on. You ignore me for five months and then ask me to kiss you in truth or dare and then you kiss me again last night. You came into my bed, too. You’re sending so many mixed signals I mean, I get it if you hate me or whatever. It will hurt me but if you do, just tell me so we don’t have to keep pretending.”  
Youngmin looks up so quickly that Donghyun worries for his neck. He fidgets under the older’s gaze, not used to the intensity of it anymore.  
“I don’t hate you, Donghyun-ah,” he says lowly and Donghyun shifts in his seat.  
“You don’t?” Donghyun asks him hesitantly and Youngmin shakes his head.  
“I told you last night that I was…that I was scared. And I still am but I’ve been scared for too long now and I felt so terrible for hurting you that I decided I’d rather hurt myself.”  
Donghyun tilts his head in confusion, not appreciating the cryptic response and Youngmin seems to realise.  
“At the start of February, I started feeling differently towards you,” he says and he seems to have lost his confidence, pushing and pulling at the ring on his finger so much that Donghyun has to reach over and squeeze at his hand to make him stop. The older’s eyes dart to their conjoined hands and then back to Donghyun. Donghyun can feel the pulse flickering wildly in his own wrist at the words to come.  
“I would pay more attention to you, find myself staring at you when I shouldn’t have been or watching you practice when I should have been practicing for myself. I brushed it off at first, thinking I might have just been jealous of you but I wasn’t, really.”  
“So what was it?” Donghyun presses, swiping his thumb soothingly over the back of the other’s hand.  
“I…avoided you because I was scared. Because I realised that I was starting to like you as more than a friend. I thought that maybe if I stayed away from you, it would go away but it didn’t. To be honest, it made me want you more but it was so easy to tell that I was just the best friend to you. I asked you to kiss me the other day because I wanted to know if I was over it but…I wasn’t. I’m not, Donghyun. I’m not over you.”  
Donghyun swallows, once, then twice and the sentence replays in his mind over and over again. Youngmin takes his reply as a bad thing as he lets go of Donghyun’s hand.  
“I’m sorry, Donghyun,” he says frantically, “I know it’s wrong of me, really and I hurt you so much all because I’m a coward. I don’t need you to forgive me, just know that I’m really, really sorry. For real.”                                                                                                                                                                                          Donghyun watches him for a second and he feels like he’s spectating the scene from above, watching himself watch Youngmin think he doesn’t like him back.       “I’m not over you, either, hyung,” Donghyun says quietly and this makes Youngmin stop dead, eyes wide.  
“You’re…you’re what?” he asks, disbelief colouring his voice.  
“I’m not over you either. I haven’t been for a long time, it just took me some time.”Youngmin looks like he’s about to either laugh or breakdown crying.  
“Are you- are you kidding me, Donghyun - this isn’t a joke?”  
Donghyun laughs, shaking his head in disbelief.  
“I’m not joking,” he says and he’s reaching for Youngmin, pulling him until they’re flush against each other on their sofa.  
“Promise you won’t start ignoring me again if I kiss you?” Donghyun asks him and he’s joking but he’s also really not. Youngmin smiles sheepishly.  
“I promise. I’m sorry, Donghyun-ie, I’m a coward, really.”  
Donghyun shushes him and brings his hands up to Youngmin’s neck, tilting his head to the side and Youngmin is blushing like it’s their first kiss all again and Donghyun likes him so much it hurts. Youngmin tangles his hands in Donghyun’s shirt and seals their lips together in a soft kiss, Donghyun smiling into it.  
“God, hyung, i can’t believe we could have been doing this five months ago,” Donghyun says when they break apart for breath.  
“I know,” Youngmin agrees, brushing Donghyun’s hair back gently, “I’m sorry.”  
“Stop apologising,” Donghyun says, “You’re forgiven.”

*

A few weeks later, Woojin and Daehwi return to the dorm for a weekend (with the added plus of Hyungseop) to find Youngmin and Donghyun waiting at the brand new building, hands intertwined sweetly. They all hug, a mess of limbs and Daehwi’s screeching and Woojin is smiling so wide, and he kisses Hyungseop bashfully on the cheek. Later, after they’ve eaten dinner, Woojin and Donghyun sit on the counter like they had a month before but this time Hyungseop is leaning back into Woojin’s chest, Youngmin mirroring him whilst Daehwi calls his mother.  
“Do you remember what you said to me, the night before I left?” Woojin asks Donghyun suddenly.  
“Which part?” he replies, resting his chin on Youngmin’s head.  
“You said to me that things were changing and that you were scared but you told me that I should just take the jump. I’m sorry, hyungs for not giving you the same advice.”Youngmin turns back to look at Donghyun for a second, before they all burst out laughing at Woojin’s attempt at being ‘deep’. Hyungseop kisses his flushed cheeks and Youngmin intertwines their fingers and Daehwi walks in whining about how he’s the only single one and Donghyun is truly, truly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a completely mammoth fic for me and I wrote it in two days yay go me!! not gonna lie, I adore dongpaca with my whole heart and can't wait to see more of them, also woojin and hyungseop are so precious gjfdjfglfjnv but YES, they made it in the end despite youngmin being an ASS. also, i didn't wanna write full out smut because im not about that life. ALSO I HAVENT PROOF READ THIS YET SO THERES PROBABLY SOME HORRIFIC MISTAKES but yes, i hope you enjoyed reading nd thank u to my groupchat for giving me this promt i love y'all. hmu on tumblr @jeongquq or twitter @9arkwoojin (i changed my @ y'all) if you have any complaints, questions or just want to talk!! i'm also considering writing a companion fic for woojin and hyungseop hmu if that's something you'd like to see! thank u for making it all the way through that one, you guys are troopers!!


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